"The moment" happened - the sudden feeling that everything I want in the world is Here. (Not everyONE I want, but a lot of ones I want. EveryONE I want will never be in one place. Real life tragedy, but unavoidable nonetheless. [I like the word nonetheless - how often do we get to combine three wordsinone?]) The breeze was blowing my now-long hair as I sped past Union Stn on foot. I was on my way to "the office." And that weightless feeling hit. I love my life hereandnow. So much grace. So much opportunity. Those kindreds I wondered if I'd ever find in this city. Fireworks inside my organs kind of gratitude.
So tonight I re-read my first blog entry - September 23rd, 2008. Fresh meat in DC. Homesick and shell-shocked. It made me grateful for the efforts my prior self expended, so that my current self could be "living the dream" these days. Professionally, socially, and spiritually. I am constantly amazed at the beauty of conversation with past and future selves. It's almost trinitarian (little "t"). That sense of community within ones self in three different manifestations, yet a persistent unity in Being.
Anywho, this is my heart on a page those many months ago:
I am TRYING here. Okay?
I'm making friends. I go to Irish Times and Carolina's for happy hour Friday nights. I laugh. I tell secrets. I brush my teeth and wear deoderant.
My eating habits are sub-par, though, I admit. And my sleep schedule is practically religious. I watch at least an hour of... TeeeeVeeee everyday, damnit. And the best part of ANY evening is a phone call or a text from The Sunshine State.
I'm faltering. Wavering. Teeeetertottering. This is not good enough. ROOTS, I say! I need to extend ROOTS. Deep down into the concrete soil of this city- Washington, DC- if I am ever going to last.
But I am tryyying. I promise. Kinda.
No comments:
Post a Comment