Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Hustle

My problem is I ride the holidays like they are a wild stallion I can't control - but might be able to survive. If I'm lucky. I tend to regain consciousness just before the New Year, after all the miles have been tallied & pounds added & feelings hurt. By then I have relinquished my sense of gravity and personal boundaries. I need to find a different way to navigate "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year," so I don't end up this depressed on the other side. Eames and I have agreed to aim for Ireland next Christmas and avoid the whole mess altogether.

I'm tempted to type up character assassinations on the relatives that have driven me mad this season (and those I wisely avoided). But I'm trying to learn the virtue of restraint. Instead, I'll mention how unmeasurably fun and meaningful it is to exchange homemade Christmas Gifts. This year I made necklaces, Christmas ornaments, collages, and photo montages. The best gift was one I received from my Sexy Beast, Nicole:



The Anaias Nin Quotations read:

“I disregard the proportions, the measures, the tempo of the ordinary world. I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To enter ordinary relationships. I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic -- in the sense that I live in my world. I will not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself.”

"Good things happen to those who hustle."


This gift was the star on the top of the Christmas Tree in my heart. It inspired me to try harder in my craftiness and aim for a booth in Eastern Market, where I can sell all the ridiculous things I design. It is a symbol of unexplored possibility when I feel too bookish, brain-dead, or bored with culinary arts. And for that I am grateful - a lovely sentiment when spiteful is what I've become known for lately. Sigh.

Hopefully now all the parties have been thrown & cities visited, I will become a lovely person again. I'm sure my parents & brothers would appreciate it. Not to mention old pals who naively want to reconnect over the holidays. May I not bite off their precious heads, I pray.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

A Proposal! I do!

Abstract: Under pressure to respond to the demands and prospects of globalization and an increasingly diverse population (Wallis, 2006), U.S. educators and policy makers are faced with decisions about how to proceed. This comparative research paper explores the catalysts, goals, and varied approaches of multiculturalism and the internationalization of elementary and secondary education. While extensive literature is available on each perspective, there is little reflection on the divergent nature of these seemingly similar perspectives, the contextual merit of adopting one approach over the other, or the potential to create a richer model by integrating the strengths of international and multicultural education.

Research purpose and main questions: The purpose of this comparative research paper is to discern the differences and similarities between multiculturalism and internationalization in elementary and secondary education, both in theory and in practice. The following research questions will be explored: (1) What is the rationale of each approach, and what are the key debates within each camp? (2) What catalysts lead schools, districts, and states to incorporate either multiculturalism or internationalization into their policies and design? (3) How different are the desired outcomes and strategies used by each approach?

Brief introduction to theoretical & research foundations of the study: Multicultural education and the internationalization of education are two important endeavors in the United States in the 21st century, but for different reasons. Multicultural education "recognizes the importance of cultural diversity, alternative lifestyles, maintaining native cultures, universal human rights, social justice... and equal distribution of power among groups" (Leistyna, 2002, p. 24). On one hand, this approach is democracy in action. On the other hand, in a nation as culturally diverse as the U.S. it is simply pragmatic for educators to adapt Euro-centric curriculum and pedagogy to accommodate the populations being served. Progressive educators moving in this direction received much attention in the decades following the civil rights era. However, the work has not been finished, and the impact not nearly systemic enough to be considered a success. Yet the bright new star on the educational scene is internationalization.

Unlike multicultural education, international education in the U.S. (Frey, 2009) is motivated primarily by economic goals and national security. Today’s students need preparation to become global citizens (Mansilla & Gardener, 2007). U.S. institutes of higher education have been facing this challenge for over twenty years, but K-12 policies and practices show little progress (Kagan & Stewart, 2004, p. 230). If students are to become competitive in the areas outlined by the Partnership for 21st Century Skills (2004), such as cross-cultural communication and collaboration, critical media literacy, global awareness, and foreign language fluency, educators must begin to scaffold those skills throughout the entire education process, starting at day one.

Synthesis and integration of literature to research purpose/question: More research needs to be conducted to discern best practices in preparing students for the cultural diversity, global marketplace, and transnational issues that will define their lives. This research paper aims to contribute to this conversation by comparing multiculturalism and the internationalization of elementary and secondary education, and highlighting how moving toward a hybrid model could mitigate the shortcomings of each approach.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Betcha $5 You Can't Do THIS!

Into a Limbo large and broad, since called / The paradise of fools, to few unknown. ~ John Milton

I'm curled up in bed with my 85 year-old Nana, Chloe-Bear (a teacup shit-zhu), and a brown snuggie. Bed is in room 101 at the Harris Ranch hotel, half way between Los Angeles and Sacramento. Tomorrow night, Bed will be in my parents' house where the heater is broken and morning smells like cinnamon rolls. I kinda like being in limbo- between one place and another. No burdens or responsibilities can attack. The place of origin & the destination can be considered from an outside perspective. It's what makes in-flight movies so resonant & journalling so profound. Limbo.

I saw Up In The Air with George Clooney. His character practically lives mid-air because of a career that requires 95% travel. And that's not what I mean. The thing that makes limbo so meaningful is that is is neither here nor there. Which implies a Here and a There. I need a Here and I need a There and I need a black hole in between everynowandthen. I think it's because I grew up straddling CA... Near monthly drives to LA & SD to visit the Grandparents & Relatives. Frequent trips to SF to vacuum my Nana's apartment building and polish the bannisters. I called so many CA cities home & spent so much time zipping between them. I loved the drives. Reading books about Amish girls. Playing word games with Eames. Sleeeeping. (No sleep is better than car sleep as a kid.)

The metro train & bus ride is about all the limbo i get in DC. It's nice to have an extended version. Especially when it involves filet mignon, wine, and the Weather Channel.

“It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear . . . . It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to.” ~Marilyn Ferguson

World Vision - Job Opportunities at World Vision

World Vision - Job Opportunities at World Vision

Sunday, December 13, 2009

whatever it takes...

i just drank 2-day old coffee out of the pot & i am not ashamed.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Truly

My cup runneth over.

An Actual Acceptance Letter!

Dear Colleague:

Congratulations, your research proposal has been reviewed by the committee and accepted for the ESRI 2010 conference!

The Educational Symposium for Research and Innovations (ESRI) provides strategic and significant support for the advancement of academic excellence and professional development for students and alumni of The George Washington University Graduate School of Education and Human Development.

The mission of the ESRI is to foster scholarly and professional development of students and alumni of the Graduate School of Education and Human Development. Through an annual conference ESRI accomplishes this mission by providing:

A safe and nurturing environment wherein GSEHD students and alumni can present and receive feedback on their scholarly work for eventual submission to national conferences and refereed journals.

Support for the advancement of academic excellence in dissertation research among doctoral candidates.

An academic homecoming in which students and alumni can learn from each other, and where alumni can reconnect with their scholarly interests and rekindle friendships with faculty and colleagues.

An opportunity for prospective students to engage with faculty, students, and alumni; to learn about the GSEHD community and our scholarly endeavors; and to discover why they should join us for fulfillment of their educational goals.

Best of Luck,

*************
ERSI Chair

Ekklesia International Tanzania


2010 EIT Calendar

Ekklesia International Tanzania is a humanitarian not-for-profit
NGO in Tanzania, Africa founded on Christ-like principles. It’s
mission is to improve the quality of life for the Tanzanian people
by developing sustainable projects and opportunities for
individuals, families, and communities through education,
health, art, and commerce. By partnering with other organizations,
EIT is able to foster new projects as well as assist in existing ones.
Currently EIT is partnering with missionaries in a Massai area of
Tanzania known as Kikuletwa. The Massai of Kikuletwa
face difficult challenges – poverty, hunger, disease and lack of
water. All proceeds from the sales of this calendar will be designated
to projects assisting the people of Kikuletwa.

This unique calendar is composed of portraits from a church
congregation in the Kikuletwa area. Join in faith with these believers
daily. Pray for their provision and healing. Pray for the Lord to
provide abundantly for families in need of good nutrition. Pray for God
to release the rain for a fruitful harvest. And, pray that these beautiful
people find their worth and acceptance in the Lord.

Visit our website for updates on projects in Kikuletwa.
www.eitanzania.com

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Surely Goodness and Mercy Will Be My Companions

"Truth be told I’m not quite sure when things went right
But the darkest tunnel always has a distant light
And I’ve arrived, yes I’ve arrived and right on time
You were there to greet me arms stretched open wide
You were there to meet me on the other side

Now I believe in something it’s been a long time coming
It may not mean that much to you but it means all the world to me
I’m belonging somewhere it took me time to get here
But now that I’ve become a part of you I never want to leave"

Belonging by Kendall Payne

Now Do It

I have such high hopes for today. 7 hours of writing ahead of me. I want to stay on task and trickle all my conclusions about international and multicultural education in the U.S. into my laptop through my fingers.

I hope... The writing will be so good that academic journals fight over first rights to publish it, and the panel at next semester's international education conference gives my work a standing ovation. Xenophobics read 3 pages and spontaneously open their minds and hearts to The Other. God will smile and say, "Natasha took the words right out of my mouth - if I were to go to graduate school I would have done a similar project. But I'm God, so I don't need a degree." The simple-minded will grasp the concepts I lay forth, and the wise will be intellectually stimulated. I will feel proud and humbled by the truths I type, and content with the quality of my craft.

I hope.

Good pep talk, self.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

There's a Boogie Man in the Pantry!

The 7 foods experts won't eat...

1. Canned Tomatoes

The expert: Fredrick vom Saal, PhD, an endocrinologist at the University of Missouri who studies bisphenol-A

The problem: The resin linings of tin cans contain bisphenol-A, a synthetic estrogen that has been linked to ailments ranging from reproductive problems to heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. Unfortunately, acidity (a prominent characteristic of tomatoes) causes BPA to leach into your food. Studies show that the BPA in most people's body exceeds the amount that suppresses sperm production or causes chromosomal damage to the eggs of animals. "You can get 50 mcg of BPA per liter out of a tomato can, and that's a level that is going to impact people, particularly the young," says vom Saal. "I won't go near canned tomatoes."

The solution: Choose tomatoes in glass bottles (which do not need resin linings), such as the brands Bionaturae and Coluccio. You can also get several types in Tetra Pak boxes, like Trader Joe's and Pomi.

2. Corn-Fed Beef

The expert: Joel Salatin, co-owner of Polyface Farms and author of half a dozen books on sustainable farming

The problem: Cattle evolved to eat grass, not grains. But farmers today feed their animals corn and soybeans, which fatten up the animals faster for slaughter. More money for cattle farmers (and lower prices at the grocery store) means a lot less nutrition for us. A recent comprehensive study conducted by the USDA and researchers from Clemson University found that compared with corn-fed beef, grass-fed beef is higher in beta-carotene, vitamin E, omega-3s, conjugated linoleic acid (CLA), calcium, magnesium, and potassium; lower in inflammatory omega-6s; and lower in saturated fats that have been linked to heart disease. "We need to respect the fact that cows are herbivores, and that does not mean feeding them corn and chicken manure," says Salatin.

The solution: Buy grass-fed beef, which can be found at specialty grocers, farmers' markets, and nationally at Whole Foods. It's usually labeled because it demands a premium, but if you don't see it, ask your butcher.


3. Microwave Popcorn

The expert: Olga Naidenko, PhD, a senior scientist for the Environmental Working Group,

The problem: Chemicals, including perfluorooctanoic acid (PFOA), in the lining of the bag, are part of a class of compounds that may be linked to infertility in humans, according to a recent study from UCLA. In animal testing, the chemicals cause liver, testicular, and pancreatic cancer. Studies show that microwaving causes the chemicals to vaporize—and migrate into your popcorn. "They stay in your body for years and accumulate there," says Naidenko, which is why researchers worry that levels in humans could approach the amounts causing cancers in laboratory animals. DuPont and other manufacturers have promised to phase out PFOA by 2015 under a voluntary EPA plan, but millions of bags of popcorn will be sold between now and then.

The solution: Pop natural kernels the old-fashioned way: in a skillet. For flavorings, you can add real butter or dried seasonings, such as dillweed, vegetable flakes, or soup mix.

4. Nonorganic Potatoes

The expert: Jeffrey Moyer, chair of the National Organic Standards Board

The problem: Root vegetables absorb herbicides, pesticides, and fungicides that wind up in soil. In the case of potatoes—the nation's most popular vegetable—they're treated with fungicides during the growing season, then sprayed with herbicides to kill off the fibrous vines before harvesting. After they're dug up, the potatoes are treated yet again to prevent them from sprouting. "Try this experiment: Buy a conventional potato in a store, and try to get it to sprout. It won't," says Moyer, who is also farm director of the Rodale Institute (also owned by Rodale Inc., the publisher of Prevention). "I've talked with potato growers who say point-blank they would never eat the potatoes they sell. They have separate plots where they grow potatoes for themselves without all the chemicals."

The solution: Buy organic potatoes. Washing isn't good enough if you're trying to remove chemicals that have been absorbed into the flesh.

5. Farmed Salmon

The expert: David Carpenter, MD, director of the Institute for Health and the Environment at the University at Albany and publisher of a major study in the journal Science on contamination in fish.

The problem: Nature didn't intend for salmon to be crammed into pens and fed soy, poultry litter, and hydrolyzed chicken feathers. As a result, farmed salmon is lower in vitamin D and higher in contaminants, including carcinogens, PCBs, brominated flame retardants, and pesticides such as dioxin and DDT. According to Carpenter, the most contaminated fish come from Northern Europe, which can be found on American menus. "You can only safely eat one of these salmon dinners every 5 months without increasing your risk of cancer," says Carpenter, whose 2004 fish contamination study got broad media attention. "It's that bad." Preliminary science has also linked DDT to diabetes and obesity, but some nutritionists believe the benefits of omega-3s outweigh the risks. There is also concern about the high level of antibiotics and pesticides used to treat these fish. When you eat farmed salmon, you get dosed with the same drugs and chemicals.

The solution: Switch to wild-caught Alaska salmon. If the package says fresh Atlantic, it's farmed. There are no commercial fisheries left for wild Atlantic salmon.

6. Milk Produced with Artificial Hormones

The expert: Rick North, project director of the Campaign for Safe Food at the Oregon Physicians for Social Responsibility and former CEO of the Oregon division of the American Cancer Society

The problem: Milk producers treat their dairy cattle with recombinant bovine growth hormone (rBGH or rBST, as it is also known) to boost milk production. But rBGH also increases udder infections and even pus in the milk. It also leads to higher levels of a hormone called insulin-like growth factor in milk. In people, high levels of IGF-1 may contribute to breast, prostate, and colon cancers. "When the government approved rBGH, it was thought that IGF-1 from milk would be broken down in the human digestive tract," says North. As it turns out, the casein in milk protects most of it, according to several independent studies. "There's not 100% proof that this is increasing cancer in humans," admits North. "However, it's banned in most industrialized countries."

The solution: Check labels for rBGH-free, rBST-free, produced without artificial hormones, or organic milk. These phrases indicate rBGH-free products.

7. Conventional Apples

The expert: Mark Kastel, former executive for agribusiness and codirector of the Cornucopia Institute, a farm-policy research group that supports organic foods

The problem: If fall fruits held a "most doused in pesticides contest," apples would win. Why? They are individually grafted (descended from a single tree) so that each variety maintains its distinctive flavor. As such, apples don't develop resistance to pests and are sprayed frequently. The industry maintains that these residues are not harmful. But Kastel counters that it's just common sense to minimize exposure by avoiding the most doused produce, like apples. "Farm workers have higher rates of many cancers," he says. And increasing numbers of studies are starting to link a higher body burden of pesticides (from all sources) with Parkinson's disease.

The solution: Buy organic apples. If you can't afford organic, be sure to wash and peel them first.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Gratitude Journal

1. Headphones hooked up to Mozart to drown out the voices of chatty undergrads in the GWU Library.

2. Intervarsity Graduate Student Fellowship & the book of Phillippians.

3. A gallon of milk chilling in the fridge where there was none.

4. Tennis shoes that put a spring in my step.

5. The discovery of a church I am uber-eager to visit (http://www.stbrendansdc.org/index.htm). I get antsy in the name brand churches I have visited (except for Christ Our Shepherd), and have had such trouble unearthing the smaller Christian communities I know must exist in the District. I think I've found one... or rather it has been revealed to me. Sigh.

Interesting nugget: Saint Brendan of Clonfert or Bréanainn of Clonfert (c. 484 – c. 577) (Irish: Naomh Breandán ) called "the Navigator", "the Voyager", or "the Bold" is one of the early Irish monastic saints.

The community is all the more intriguing, as I love the descriptors of Brendan. And... I've always been convinced I should one day marry an Irish Man. My need for an Irish Patron Saint may have been the secret my soul was trying to whisper. I'm terrible at interpreting the gibberish of my intuition.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Don't Read Unless an Educatophile

I heard about this secondary school model on American RadioWorks Podcast (http://americanradioworks.publicradio.org/features/workplace_ed/). My new favorite iPod listening. I love what I've learned about this school network. Makes the hard work of finals cramming seem worth it - this is what i study and it is beautiful...

The Cristo Rey Network

The Cristo Rey Network® is comprised of 24 high schools that provide quality, Catholic, college preparatory education to urban young people who live in communities with limited educational options.

Most of our students qualify for the federal free or reduced lunch program. Member schools utilize a longer school day and year, academic assistance, and counseling to prepare students with a broad range of academic abilities for college. All students at Cristo Rey Network schools participate in a work study program through which they finance the majority of the cost of their education, gain real world job experience, grow in self-confidence, and realize the relevance of their education.

The Cristo Rey Network of schools was founded in 2001 when leaders from groups in Portland, Oregon, Cleveland, Denver, and New York hoping to replicate Cristo Rey Jesuit High School of Chicago gathered for the first time to learn more about the model school. Since 2001, leaders of the Cristo Rey schools have been meeting regularly to share ideas and best practices.

All students will graduate from high school and college.

With this goal as our highest aspiration, all students engage in coursework designed to prepare them for success in college. Core subjects – reading, writing, science, mathematics, social studies, religious studies, world languages, and the arts – provide the foundation for our college preparatory education. Our academic program also emphasizes thinking strategies and lifelong learning behaviors necessary for success in both the classroom and the workplace, such as: precision and accuracy, complex reasoning, persistence with new tasks, and teaming and collaboration.

All Cristo Rey Network students take a full course load of college preparatory coursework for four years, as they participate one day each week in our four-year work study program. Through this program, every student works in a professional setting, developing the knowledge and skills to prepare them well for college and the world of work. This relevant work experience not only provides our students with the opportunity to contribute financially to their education, but it reinforces in them the thinking strategies and lifelong learning behaviors emphasized in the classroom. The workplace experience allows students to apply and make connections from the classroom to the world of work. This unique combination of classroom learning and workplace learning prepares Cristo Rey Network students for success in high school, in college, and in the years to come.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

i jest

i may have spent the last 8 hours semi-flu-ish in bed, working on an outline for my international/multicultural education research paper. trying to wake up for work at 7am may have failed, but so did falling back asleep. there was definitely lots of herbal tea & chicken broth & kleenex involved in the 8-hour study session (& not just because the subject brings me to tears at nearly every sitting). i did take one humor break to watch the Dunder Mifflin crew make fools of themselves on Hulu. other breaks involved brushing teeth, paying bills, and washing dishes. productive efforts only. idle hands dont stimulate the brain. now, to cleanse the grey matter & prepare to study for a final exam the rest of the evening. how to refresh? how to renew those little cranial brainial cells?

google says: cartwheels! skydiving! wakeboarding! gardening! sudoku! love making! bouldering! sculpting!

time to learn how to do those things...

Saturday, November 21, 2009

EXCERPT from Blog by Employed Grad Student Robot (i repeat, i did not write this!)

"Here is my actual schedule. I work:

-From 9 to 5 on weekdays.
-In the morning on Sunday.

That’s it. Unless I’m bored, I have no need to even turn on a computer after 5 during the week or any time on Saturday. I fill these times, instead, doing, well, whatever I want.

How do I balance an ambitious work load with an ambitiously sparse schedule? It’s a simple idea I call fixed-schedule productivity. The system work as follows:

1. Choose a schedule of work hours that you think provides the ideal balance of effort and relaxation.
2. Do whatever it takes to avoid violating this schedule.
3. This sounds simple. But think about it for a moment. Satisfying rule 2 is not easy. If you took your current projects, obligations, and work habits, you’d probably fall well short of satisfying your ideal work schedule. Here’s a simple truth: to stick to your ideal schedule will require some drastic actions. For example, you may have to:

a) Dramatically cut back on the number of projects you are working on.
b) Ruthlessly cull inefficient habits from your daily schedule.
c) Risk mildly annoying or upsetting some people in exchange for large gains in time freedom.
d) Stop procrastinating.

In the abstract, these all seem like hard things to do. But when you have the focus of a specific goal — “I do not want to work past 5 on week days!” — you’d be surprised by how much easier it becomes deploy these strategies in your daily life.

Let’s look at an example…

Case Study: My Schedule

My schedule provides a good case study. To reach my relatively small work hour limit, I have to be careful with how I go about my day. I see enough bleary-eyed insomniacs around here to know how easy it is to slip into a noon to 3 am routine (the infamous “MIT cycle.”) Here are some of the techniques I regularly use to remain within the confines of my fixed schedule:

I serialize my projects. I keep two project queues — one from my student projects and one for my writing projects. At any one moment I’m only working on the top project from each queue. When I finish, I move on to the next. This focus lets me churn out quality results without the wasted time of constantly dancing back and forth between multiple efforts. (As also discussed here and here.)

I’m ultra-clear about when to expect results from me. And it’s not always soon. If someone slips something onto my queue, I make an honest evaluation of when it will percolate to the top. I communicate this date. Then I make it happen when the time comes. You can get away with telling people to expect a result a long time in the future, if — and this is a big if — you actually deliver when promised.

I refuse. If my queue is too crowded for a potential project to get done in time, I turn it down.

I drop projects and quit. If a project gets out of control, and starts to sap too much time from my schedule: I drop it. If something demonstrably more important comes along, and it conflicts with something else in my queue, I drop the less important project. If an obligation is taking up too much time: I quit. Here’s a secret: no one really cares what you do on the small scale. In the end you’re judged on your large-scale list of important completions.

I’m not available. I often work in hidden nooks of the various libraries on campus. I check and respond to work e-mail only a few times a day. People have to wait for responses from me. It’s often hard to find me. Sometimes they get upset at first. But they don’t really need immediate access. And I will always respond within a reasonable timeframe and get them what they need. So they adjust. And I get things done.

I batch and habitatize. Any regularly occurring work gets turned into a habit — something I do at a fixed time on a fixed date. For example, I write blog posts on Sunday morning. I do reading for my seminar on Friday and Monday mornings. Etc. Habit-based schedules for the regular work makes it easier to tackle the non-regular projects. It also prevents schedule-busting pile-ups.

I start early. Sometimes real early. On certain projects that I know are important, I don’t tolerate procrastination. It doesn’t interest me. If I need to start something 2 or 3 weeks in advance so that my queue proceeds as needed, I do so.

Why This Works

You could fill any arbitrary number of hours with what feels to be productive work. Between e-mail, and “crucial” web surfing, and to-do lists that, in the age of David Allen, grow to lengths that rival the bible, there is always something you could be doing. At some point, however, you have to put a stake in the ground and say: I know I have a never-ending stream of work, but this is when I’m going to face it. If you don’t do this, you let the never-ending stream of work push you around like a bully. It will force you into tiring, inefficient schedules. And you’ll end up more stressed and no more accomplished.

Fix the schedule you want. Then make everything else fit around your needs. Be flexible. Be efficient. If you can’t make it fit: change your work. But in the end, don’t compromise. No one really cares about your schedule except for yourself. So make it right."

White Rabbit Savior

New Hypothesis: This crusade to introduce formal schooling in every corner of the earth, as the Education for All section of the Millennium Development Goals describes, it is eerily similar to the evangelical movement to bring Christ to every tongue tribe and nation.

Which is a bit disconcerting. Because I backed off from a career in Int'l Church Planting. I was nervous that I couldn't for sure say that Jesus was the Way. At the time. I'm more confident that he is, now. But I get nervous about movements claiming to be a panacea, and that is SO what proponents of Education for All are doing. And now I'm sorta signed up for a career in evangelizing the world with the message of Education.

Kerthump.

Well, I guess I'm drawn toward salvation-claims. The idea that someone/something could fix the horrors of the world is enticing to me. I always end up getting skeptical at some point, though. I turned from church-planting to education because I figured if there is a God, he likes education too, and if there's not, then education is still good. But now, I feel like the invading "developing communities" (such a value-laden term in itself) with opportunities for education is not necessarily an absolute good (the subtleties of which I would go into if I didn't have to wash the dishes right now).

So it's complicated. Universal formal schooling may or may not improve the human race and the planet earth. And Jesus, well, I think he will. But I'm still unsure how to navigate the idea of evangelism. For an interesting segment on strategies & perspectives on "witnessing" listen to This American Life's episode called "Bait & Switch." That is what triggered my rabbit hole of contemplation...

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1325

Friday, November 20, 2009

Morning has Broken

Pre-Kindergarten is my new home. At least from 8am-12pm on weekdays. And I love the things the little people say.

Look what I can do!

Did you know I have a silver sword at home?

Oooooh! He said boo boo!

I wanna sit with you.

My favorite food is broth.

My daddy's bigger than your daddy.

They are brilliant and giggle and love to jump. It's so fun. If only they could clean their own messes & stop eating crumbs they find on the carpet, it would be perfect.

I've been working as an aide to one student in particular, who I'll call Zeke. We get along swimmingly, and he does great work when sitting at our VIP table for two. I didn't expect to love this job description, but I am very happy. And so is Zeke. Oo-rah!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Books'N'Bacon

Tonight, from the comfort of my couch, while binging on bacon, I found a book called Diversity in the Classroom: New Approaches to the Education of Young Children on Google Scholar. Then I searched the online GWU library catalog for it, found it, and clicked a button to have the Call Number texted to my phone. Tomorrow I will arrive, undeterred, at my destination in the stacks in awe of the technological advances that have occurred since I was an undergraduate. I love it. And the bacon's not bad either.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Little Altars

When something works, it's tempting to depend on that "something." (Which is normal for things like Tylenol and shoes and toaster ovens.) But it occurred to me tonight that I do this in my spiritual journey- trust in the means to intimacy with God rather than the God who draws near to me. A church (Epic). A book (Renovation of the Heart). Music (Jesus Culture). A discipline (memorizing Scripture).

Through these concrete objects and structures, God has inspired me to obedience - revealed Himself - lifted my spirit - given me a sense of purpose. So I start to worry what will replace them when their effect has worn off. How then will I get my doses of the Other World? But (light bulb flashes) it's God who works through the means; the means do not manipulate God. He is the one worthy of my trust, not the created things.

It occurs to me that this may be why I have been hesitant to settle down at a church. What if it fails to make me love and want to serve God the way i "need" a church to? I keep looking for one that will come through for me, whose functionality I can depend on. But God, in fact, is big and strong and gets done what he intends. I don't need to be afraid that a church will fail to get me to God. God will get to me, either through or in spite of whatever Christian community I involve myself in. He will.

I want to trust in Him, and be less reverent of the created things that nudge me toward Him. He's big, and they are small. I don't need to be afraid.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Other is Not an Answer

There is no song that makes me feel as grateful to Apollo, god of music & poetry, as "Dead Man's Will" by Iron and Wine & Calexico. Grateful and resigned to release the petty frustrations of the day.

But, that being said, it's time for a multiple choice quiz.

1. People keep flaking on Tasha because

a) The people I befriend have personalities conducive to flakiness
b) I am a middle to low priority for all my DC friends, and higher priority claims keep trumping their plans with me
c) Friends see me as forgiving and understanding, so they don't hesitate to cancel plans with me
d) The devil made them do it
e) The universe is trying to help me do my homework
f) None of the above
g) All of the above

2. Two fashion faux pas make a fashion faux right.

a) True
b) False

3. The most original show on TV is

a) Gossip Girl
b) The Office
c) Grey's Anatomy
d) Flight of the Conchords
e) Lost
f) The Tyra Banks Show
g) Other

4. The following poem makes me feel _____________________.

“Singing, as you have taught, is not the same
as yearning for what might be attainable.
Song is being. For the god it is simple.
But when do we exist? When is his aim

to cast the earth and stars on us? Be in
us? Youth, your loving doesn’t work, even
when your voice forces your mouth open. Learn

to forget passion song, for it will end.
True singing is a different breath. You burn
and breath is nothing. Gusts in a god. A wind.”

-Rilke

Ugly Things

I hate learning things that make me feel the ugliness of the world.

I hate that a friend died of Hodgkins Lymphoma this week.

I hate that we fucked over the Hmong after they served the U.S. military in our war with Vietnam.

I hate that prostituted teenagers in the U.S. are put in jail & then released to their pimps.

Sigh. How many drops in a bucket will it take to fix everything? Fixing something doesn't seem like enough.

I hate this mood.

Friday, November 13, 2009

This Low

...So thread the light,
Shine the light,
Don't hide the light,
Live the light,
And give the light,
Seek the light,
And speak the light,
Crave the light, and brave the light,
Stare the light,
And share the light,
Show the light,
And know the light,
Raise the light,
And praise the light,
Thread the light,
And spread the light.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Opposite of Love is Fear...

...says Tim Keller. And the creepy lady in Donny Darko.

So this is me clicking away from a slowly materializing research proposal, taking a minute to breathe, and realizing I am in need of grace to face tomorrow, day one of my new job. I will be working 1:1 with a 4 year-old student who has autism.

This will begin a new schedule of waking up at 7am... after months of sleeping in til noon. It'll be nice to experience morning again. But eek.

Also, I'll be re-connecting with the co-workers I spent last year with. They are lovely human beings. My extroversion muscles have atrophied, though, and I'm nervous about all the talking that's gonna go down.

Finally, I have no experience as a 1:1 teacher to a difficult little munchkin. What if I'm terrible. What if I'm always frustrated & can't make learning positive. What if my ignorance about autism bites me in the butt.

When I popped in to sign substitute teacher paperwork today, I had no clue I would be offered a part-time position. I feel like I should be more grateful, and less scared. So I'm opening myself up to the grace to proceed with strength, confidence, and optimism. The school's mantra is Be the BOAT, and I need to be the BOAT tomorrow: Brave, Observant, Active, Thoughtful. Sigh. I hope a miracle makes that possible!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Dreaming a Poem



So last night, I dreamt, in the vein of The Time Traveller's Wife , that I travelled back in time to visit myself as a twelve year old. I had such an incredibly intimate and powerful connection to this young me in our conversation, and we were so grateful to have been able to meet. We cried and talked for as long as we had. I couldn't figure out why I didn't remember the experience of meeting the 27 year-old version of myself, since it must have happened to me when I was 12. But the fog and irrationality of dreaming was negligible. I didn't care that it made no sense. I/we just cared that it was happening.

I find the idea of connecting with ones past and future selves so compelling. I see mini-manifestations of this even in how I prepare for the next day. Should I clean my room and kitchen so that I can wake up to a friendly environment tomorrow? Or might I indulge my current self, and in effect screw my future self? My decisions vary. On a larger scale, I have even written letters to myself that I'm not allowed to open until certain dates, in a sense attempting to reach forward to offer grace and kindness to my future self, and wish good things for her.

Artists seem to have a particular advantage in this relationship-with-self across time, as they have their work to look back on. But it seems like such a profound thing to me. Everyone should be able to experience it. I hate feeling like I disappear over time and become something else, even though this is a good and inevitable process of life. It's like writing a poem, and instead of saving each draft, you just click save after each revision, replacing the previous version. And after all the revisions have been conducted, you wonder how the poem read in the beginning. It was undeniably a completely different poem after changing the verbs and line breaks so many times. And cutting out stanzas that didn't move. And adjusting the tone to be more consistent. And re-writing & re-writing the conclusion after so many critiques from colleagues. I mean, how tragic not to have each draft that emerged along the way, but only the final product. That is how life feels to me. And I want to preserve drafts of myself so badly. Writing & art-ing are ways. But there must be others too.

Maybe I'll do scholarly research & write a dissertation on people's connections with their historical and future selves. That would be incredible. If you have an account, will you tell me?

I'll Have What She's Having

At the moment I freaked out that I might have to find a new roommate, my cousin found a job. She's staying in DC, in our green apartment, with me. This is such a relief.

My unemployment may also end this week, if I can convince Two Rivers (the school where I taught last year) to put me on their substitute teacher shortlist. I'm optimistic. The analytical reading and the writing alldayeveryday is monotonous, and my brain is starting to get wrinkles. Part time employment & reconnecting with the Two Rivers children and grown-ups I miss would be a welcome respite from my studies. Playing on the playground. Disciplining naughties. Reading stories aloud. Grading spelling tests. Yes, please.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Don't Tell Me How to Feel Cause I'll Do It!

Those who know me know I am a shared experience junkie. Because "empathy" is my most mark-ed trait (according to Gallup's Strengths Finder assessment, that is) I thrive on relating to other people. I look for opportunities to do so, and when our worldviews/life experiences/interests/schedules fail to cross over, I have been known to manufacture shared experiences. If I move into your "hood", join your club, or apply for a job at your place of work, it may mean I am interested in getting to know you better.

Now that I have made this perfectly clear, I have absolutely no idea where my train of thought was headed.

Hmmm....

Wow.

Oh yeah! I remember. So now, I am single and everything, and I've realized I don't have one single friend who is involved in my daily reality. Everyone is paired up (as tenuous as some of the couplings may be. No offense.), leaving me to experience my singleness all alone.

Surprise! This is NOT a pity party! It's a flashback to when I was in my late teens and preparing for the potential of a life of celibacy and never marrying. The idea was so intriguing to me, and I toyed with the idea of monasticism. I was so content with the idea of being single, and wouldn't even consider dating a guy unless the relationship promised to enrich my spirituality and and well-being. Singleness was too precious to give up, unless for something holier.

This was my steadfast mindset, and written proof is available.

Then, somehow my conviction faded and I appropriAted the shared experience of being a single working woman in my 20's. I lost MY experience of being single by overempathizing with OTHER women's experience of being single. I admit this is only one facet of my personal evolution, and I'm not trying to cast blame, but I'm beginning to believe my overzealous buy-in to shared consciousness was quite influential.

Now, as I find myself alone in my aloneness, I feel this exhilarating sense of freedom to navigate and define singleness for myself instead of looking to others to model it for me. I have no one to look to but myself, God, and the women whose books I read. (And if my unconscious is blocking "single you" out of my mind, friend, please humor me.)

The thing is the answer is not avoiding friendship with other single women. It's just "Don't Sell Out." My dependance on other people to narrate my life experience is not nearly as powerful as narrating it myself. Even as contradictory as it may be to the perspectives of people I long to establish connections with through shared experience.

My integrity and identity are worth more than my instinct to Win Friends and Influence People by convincing them I get what they are going through. Cause I can. I can get it with every fiber of my being, and adjust my lenses to perceive your (and my) experiences through your eyes. But just because I can, doesn't mean I should.

So it's time to
A) Redefine singleness in reference to the convictions of my youth
...and...
B) Stop empathizing s'dang much and practice SYMpathizing


Soooo let it be.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Secret Blog from 2007

In an attempt to be even more transparent in my writing, I may have signed up for a private blog on Wordpress. So tonight, feeling particularly vulnerable and under-the-weather in my soul, I tried various user names and passwords to log in (who can remember them all?) so I could emotionally vomit not on my kind readers. But in a divine twist of fate, I discovered that I had actually started a private Wordpress blog two years ago under my spam email account.

Context: When my hard drive crashed this summer I lost two years of my not-backed-up journal to which I had extreme emotional attachment. The document was over a hundred pages long. It hurt. But I tried/try to celebrate the loss, knowing that the experiences and opinions I wrote about are still my life... even if I don't have written proof. This is easier than facing and grieving the loss. Think positively, right?

Therefore, finding this humble 3-post blog was such a gift. Like replaying an old conversation shared with a friend who had recently died. When I wrote this blog, I was going through a shaky faith time. I was very troubled about God & life & purpose & truth. I wish I had more reflections on that period to look back on. But it seems 3 posts will have to do, and I am grateful that they revealed themselves to me.

This is an excerpt by John Updike that made it onto this blog- it is about a priest who suddenly lost his faith. It's from In The Beauty of the Lillies:

“At the moment Mary Pickford fainted… Reverend Clarence… felt the last particles of his faith leave him. The sensation was distinct– a visceral surrender, a set of dark sparkling bubbles escaping upward… He was standing at the moment of the ruinous pang, on the first floor of the manse, wondering if in view of the heat he might remove his black serge jacket, since no visitor was scheduled to call until dinnertime…. his thoughts had slipped with quicksilver momentum into the recognition, which he had long withstood, that Ingersoll was quite right: the God of the Pentateuch was an absurd bully, barbarically thundering through a cosmos entirely misconceived. There is no such God, nor should there be. Clarence’s mind was like a many-legged, wingless insect that had long and tedeiously been struggling to climb up the walls of a slick-walled porcelain basin; and now a sudden impationt wash of water swept it down into the drain. There is no God…. It was a ghastly moment, a silent sounding of bottomlessness…. Life’s sounds all rang with a curious lightness and flatness, as if a resonating base beneath them had been removed. They told Clarence Wilmot what he had long suspected, that the universe was utterly indifferent to his states of mind, and as empty of divine content as a corroded kettle. All it’s metaphysical content had leaked away, but for creulty and death, which without the hypothesis of God became unmetaphysical, they became simply facts, which oblivion would in time obliviously erase. Oblivion became a singular comforter. The clifflike riddle of predestination… simply evaporated; an immense strain of justification was at a blow lifted. The former believer’s habitual mental contortions decisively relaxed. And yet the depths of vacancy revealed were appalling. In the purifying sweep of atheism human beings lost all special value…. Yet would he call it back, his shaky faith, with its burden of falsity and equivocation, even if he could?” (5-11)

Endorphiney Rockin Out

Last night, between beers and conversations with other International Education grad students, my doubles partner and I played our way into the final bracket of an intense Ping Pong Tournament. We lost 15 to 21. (I think it was his fault. He wasn't staying on his side. A common practice for athletic males when partnered with "a girl.")

The Ping Pong (and subsequent dance party) was my first attempt to be active post-surgery. It felt so endorphiney to be employing muscles & reflexes & coordination. I mean, I am not gonna lie. I'm a rockin' ping pong playa- and an even rockin'er dancer. Ask anyone.

Now I'm craving the day I'll return to the tennis court and latin dance floor. Baby steps. One day at a time. Pressing on. Bird by bird.

I'll be back.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Conversion

I've totally been backsliding onto FaceBook. I think I'll quit TV instead now. I'm a quitter at heart.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Teacher Friends!

International travel grant for US Teachers funded by State Department

Travel to Argentina, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Bangladesh, Bulgaria, Cambodia, Dominican Republic, Egypt, El Salvador, Estonia, Georgia, Ghana, Guatemala, Honduras, India, Jordan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Latvia, Nicaragua, Poland, Russia, Senegal, Tajikistan, Thailand, Turkmenistan, or Ukraine!

Under the Teaching Excellence and Achievement Program (TEA) the U.S. Department of State and IREX (the International Research & Exchanges Board) announce a competition for middle and high school teachers from the United States to participate in a two-week professional exchange program.

Eligible applicants must be:
• Secondary-level (middle or high school), teaching professionals with five or more years of classroom experience in disciplines including English as a Second Language, English Language or Literature, social studies, math, or science.
• U.S. citizens, and
• Able to travel in spring or summer 2011 to one of the aforementioned countries.

The program is fully funded and provides: visa support, round-trip domestic airfare, lodging and meals to attend the TEA U.S. Conference, round-trip airfare from the U.S. to the assigned country, emergency medical evacuation plan, and lodging and a daily stipend in host country.

Extended Application Deadline: December 1, 2009

For more information please visit http://www.irex.org/programs/tea/tea_us.asp or e-mail tea@irex.org .

Different kinds of minds learn, remember, perform, and understand in different ways...

Visual-Spatial - think in terms of physical space, as do architects and sailors. Very aware of their environments. They like to draw, do jigsaw puzzles, read maps, daydream. They can be taught through drawings, verbal and physical imagery. Tools include models, graphics, charts, photographs, drawings, 3-D modeling, video, videoconferencing, television, multimedia, texts with pictures/charts/graphs.

Bodily-kinesthetic - use the body effectively, like a dancer or a surgeon. Keen sense of body awareness. They like movement, making things, touching. They communicate well through body language and be taught through physical activity, hands-on learning, acting out, role playing. Tools include equipment and real objects.

Musical - show sensitivity to rhythm and sound. They love music, but they are also sensitive to sounds in their environments. They may study better with music in the background. They can be taught by turning lessons into lyrics, speaking rhythmically, tapping out time. Tools include musical instruments, music, radio, stereo, CD-ROM, multimedia.

Interpersonal - understanding, interacting with others. These students learn through interaction. They have many friends, empathy for others, street smarts. They can be taught through group activities, seminars, dialogues. Tools include the telephone, audio conferencing, time and attention from the instructor, video conferencing, writing, computer conferencing, E-mail.

Intrapersonal - understanding one's own interests, goals. These learners tend to shy away from others. They're in tune with their inner feelings; they have wisdom, intuition and motivation, as well as a strong will, confidence and opinions. They can be taught through independent study and introspection. Tools include books, creative materials, diaries, privacy and time. They are the most independent of the learners.

Linguistic - using words effectively. These learners have highly developed auditory skills and often think in words. They like reading, playing word games, making up poetry or stories. They can be taught by encouraging them to say and see words, read books together. Tools include computers, games, multimedia, books, tape recorders, and lecture.

Logical -Mathematical - reasoning, calculating. Think conceptually, abstractly and are able to see and explore patterns and relationships. They like to experiment, solve puzzles, ask cosmic questions. They can be taught through logic games, investigations, mysteries. They need to learn and form concepts before they can deal with details.

Cat Power

Oh I do believe
In all the things you see
What comes is better than what came before

Wednesday, November 4, 2009



This is an example of a logic model. I have tried three times to make a logic model depicting a 1st grade unit on Tibetan culture. This is my assignment for a course called Evaluation and Monitoring in International Education. Every attempt more clearly confirms that I have low Spacial IQ. The confused expressions of classmates and my professor that meet my logic models make me so sad. I left class feeling slightly defective tonight.

And then when I was riding home on the Metro train, Dan Choi was the Moth podcast speaker I was listening to, and he recited an Iraqi poem:

You are free
You are free before the noonday sun
And you are free before the moon
And you are free before the stars
And you are free when there is no sun
When there's no moon
And when there isn't a single star in the sky

But you are a slave
You are a slave to the one you love
Because you love him
And you are a slave to the one you love
Because he loves you back

The joy I found in these words and the story of personal transformation he was recounting, reminded me that I am differently abled. I have linguistic and intrapersonal intelligences where I lack spatial genius. I'm special. Everybody is. And it's okay that I have gaps and you have gaps, because it makes room for humility and the occasional hilarious self-deprecating humor.

Ultimately, I will beat that Logic Model into submission, but it will never satisfy me the way a poem could. That's who I am.

Monday, November 2, 2009

So Much Beauty in 14 Hours

| I am grateful for |

Leatherheads.
Meeting strangers at art exhibits.
Bacon baked with rosemary, pepper & brown sugar.
Jacqueline Palma.
Free long distance.
Pearl necklaces.
Making friends with Korean students.
Gargling with Listerine.
Photoshop.
Yellow leaves.
1/3 cup creme brulee flavored coffee to get me going.
A day seasoned with phone calls from all the men in my family.
Daylight spending time.
Chances at redemption.
Dreams I can remember when I wake up.
Bumble & Bumble hair products.
The day they turn on the heat in my apartment.
December 15, when I will fly to San Francisco.
Warm socks.
The map of Paris hanging on my wall.
Everything else hanging on my walls.
Immediate answers to desperate prayers in the form of a friend's blog post.
Alone time.
Exhaustion.

Chiquita + Jiffy + Hershey's = Plate-o-Tasty

Sunday, November 1, 2009

On Poop, Vampire Ballerinas, and Tastebuds

Some random thoughts...

1. I love finishing an assignment. A two-page reflection on an assigned reading. An annotated bibliography. An evaluation survey. They deserve a big fat pink bow on top. A maraschino cherry. Rainbow sprinkles. A top hat. I feel about a completed assignment the way a three year-old feels about the poop he just made in the toilet. Look! I did it! Look what I made!

2. My Halloween plans were substituted by a surprise visit from my dear college friend Amber (though I did make it to one house party as a vampire ballerina as you can see). Her layover in DC turned into a 48 stopover. I was sorry to miss the festivities, but happy to avoid a hangover and enjoy a late night "Who are you now?" talkathon with Amber Steig, who I love to call by her Trekkie name: Ambig. Today we delighted in chocolate rugelah at Eastern Market, walking the yellow-leafed streets of Capitol Hill, and peeking in the Natural History Museum before one of us (I won't tell!) began throwing up here and there and everywhere. Wooly Mammoth one minute, Mammoth Migraine the next. In spite of the minor disaster, I was reminded again why I love to vacation vicariously through my visitors. V to the 3. Oh snap.

3. Have I mentioned eating cookie dough has become a reinvented nightly ritual? It was junior year in college, when I lived with Nicole in Tropicana Apartments. And it is now. It's so naughty, a tablespoon of butter (!), but infinitely delicious. Cookie dough is everything I want in a dessert. It's kind of plain, and to the point. And I've found some taste buds on the sides of my tongue that (if I eat it right) get particularly excited. I'm inspired to learn where each taste bud is located so I can maneuver my salty popcorn to the right spot, and suck cinnamon hard candies where they will create the best effect. Oh how I love food.

Pandora's Box

So, now that a new Pandora online music month has begun and I'm allowed back on the site, I'm hesitant to cheat on GrooveShark. I like Grooveshark. Especially now that I've begun listening to other users' playlists. This revives the surprise factor Pandora stations provide - songs I've never heard, bands I know not of, an order I didn't create. And without the commercials! So I'm torn. To reopen the box or leave it shut? That is the question.

Friday, October 30, 2009

ABC Gum

Yesterday, riding the 92 bus toward Anacostia again, there was a very old African American man sitting next to me, singing and joking with a woman across from us. His silliness, my nose told me, was to some extent alcohol-induced. So at one point he gasps at me and announces, "Your breath smells so sweet!"

"It's cause I'm chewing gum," I explain. "You want a piece?"

He has a great laugh at this and agrees to my offer, only to be completely bewildered by the hard chicklet-like piece of Orbitz I hand him.

"What on earth am I gonna do with this?" He asks, doubled over with giggles. "I only have one tooth!"

His friend laughs at this, along with a few scattered onlookers.

I want so badly to offer him the gummy piece I've already been chewing, like a mommy bird gives a baby bird pre-masticated worms. But I can't bring myself to say it! I mean, that is a ridiculous offer, what with Swine Flu going around and all, right? "Want some ABC gum, old man?" No. That was crossing a line.

So instead I advised he crush it with his fingers to release the peppermintiness, and then suck on the crumbles. Ha! He had a good laugh at that one, and made sure everyone around us heard my preposterous suggestion. If only he knew my first instinct... He was still holding the Orbitz in his hand and laughing with his lady friend when I exited the bus. I hope he didn't choke.

When to Omit "Un"

I found a weird typo (or creative confession of unfaith) in a doctoral dissertation tonight. Aren't these guys supposed to be deeply clever? So David writes...

"I would like to dedicate this dissertation to my father and mother David Richard Woods, Jr. and Pearl Ernestine Graham who instilled a respect for others, appreciation for education, and an unabiding love and faith in my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

The word unabiding sounded weird to me, so I looked it up. This is what I found at dictionary.com:

"No results found for unabiding:
Did you mean unbinding?"


Who knew you could go to hell for having a bad vocabulary?

My 1st Submission to a Photography Contest.

The three photographs I am submitting to the Faces of Education contest were taken at El Sauzal Orphanage in a small town outside Ensenada, Mexico called San Antonio de las Minas.

The subjects of the first photograph, Exodus, are three sisters who had recently moved into the orphanage with their mother. Their mother had abducted the girls from their foster home in Los Angeles, CA and came to Mexico seeking employment and refuge. The orphanage hired her to care for the infants, providing room and board for the family. At the time of this photograph, the girls were still timidly assimilating into life at the orphanage and spent most of their time together. This didn't last long, though, and they soon warmed up to their new sisters and brothers and mothers and uncles.



My younger brother, Evan, and a little boy who lived at El Sauzal are the subjects of the second photograph titled Symbiosis. I had convinced my mom to let Evan visit the orphanage with my service group for the weekend. He was having trouble in school and at home, and it was beautiful to see his edges soften and perspective change after spending time with children who had so little and were yet so gracious. This was the first of many trips to El Sauzal for Evan.



The third photograph, Generations, was taken at a quincinera for one of the girls living at El Sauzal. The woman on the left is a house mother, and the woman on the right was raised in and now works at the orphanage while training to become a teacher. Both are strong, compassionate women who have the capacity to find humor in every situation.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

$1.35 for cheap entertainment

Yesterday I got caught in the middle of a "You so Ugly, You..." battle between two Jr. High boys in the 92 bus toward Anacostia at 4 in the afternoon (you know the bus if you live in DC). These boys were hilarious - one at the front of the bus and the other at the back, yeah, a safe distance from which to insult somebody - and everyone on the bus was hushed to listen to their banter.

You so ugly, you look like a game that ran outta batteries

You so ugly, your momma don't even wanna look at you

You so ugly, your momma don't even have no baby pictures of you

("Awwwwwww....." the audience provokes.)

Your breath so smelly, your tongue wanna move outta your mouth

Your breath so smelly your toothbrush died

And so the banter went. I was actually listening to my iPod when the battle began... until the short kid standing next to me pointed at me and said "Awwwwwww!!!!!" Everyone around me was looking too, and I realized someone probably shouted something that ended with "...that white girl!" I took out an earbud to ask, "Huh?" but the kid had already gone back to his shouting match. Probably for the best. Anyway, it caught my attention.

Gotta love public transportation. I do. So much!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Celery + Cream Cheese + Italian Seasoning + Paprika = YUM

Try and Err

So the "Fruits of the Spirit" experiment...

Not going so well. At our weekly check-up, Deanna and I decided to pull the brakes & venture in a different direction with our efforts, i.e. praying without ceasing.

COMMERCIAL BREAK:
I feel like Small World Wonder has become a more Jesusy blog than I had expected... Well, I guess I in fact have been becoming more Jesusy lately than forecasted. I'm not apologizing for that or anything, but I guess I worry about descending into the Christianeze that can be so unreadable, even when the best intentions are at heart. So, I guess, I'm soliciting constructive criticism if a Jesusy post is obnoxious or unbearable. It won't hurt my feelings, I promise, you can tell me. Kthanksbye.

Ok, so Deanna and I realized (how many blondes does it take to find the fruits of the spirit?) we were going about it all wrong. We were straining to be joyful... at peace... employ all kinds of self control... and we were failing miserably. Ha. Our weekly checkups ended up being full of blank-faced questions like, "Is this a joke? Are we just setting ourselves up to fail and then commiserate in our mutual pathetic-ness?" Not awesome.

The thing is, the fruit of the spirit are not really things to be sought after. They are a byproduct of the thing we are supposed to chase - which is the Holy Spirit. People don't get close to The Spirit by being super-joyful, people become joyful by abiding in the presence and love of The Spirit. Actually. At least this is the replacement hypothesis. Feel free to disagree.

Anyway, now, Brother Lawrence's vision of the spiritual life is helping us re-focus. He wrote The Practice of the Presence of God: The Best Rule of Holy Life, which totally transformed my understanding of Christian spirituality. This short book can actually be read online, I've found, at

http://www.ccel.org/ccel/lawrence/practice.toc.html

and I highly recommend it to anyone interested in living well. Even if you only get through a chapter. Every page is revolutionary and quite nourishing.

My conviction to focus on Abiding in God's presence was confirmed so thoroughly when I listened to a Time Keller podcast from CAC called... Abiding. Yeah. He brought me back to John 15 - a passage I studied to death Freshman year in college in a book by the guy who started the crazy Prayer of Jabaz phenomenon. It was called Secrets of the Vine, and reading it with a small group helped me understand how being a disciple of Jesus is a daily experience. So the Abiding podcast and the Secrets of the Vine book are based on the following passage in John:

The Vine and the Branches

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."


I'm hopeful this new focus (communicating with and validating the constant presence of the Holy Spirit) will be more fruitful than the fruit chasing itself. I mean, we started feeling like those mushroom hunters who go out in the wilderness, hoping this immensely valuable fungus will reveal it's hidden location, right? It's insane.

The source is what we should be hunting, not the fruit. So-let-it-be.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Unreliable Narrator Phenomenon

Ever since learning about the whole "Unreliable Narrator" situation Junior year in high school - during the Huckleberry Finn unit if my memory serves me - the whole discernment process has become a theme in my life. Some part of me is driven to determine who the reliable narrators are in various dimensions of life... Friends (who's perspective of life is accurate and who is wearing blurry lenses?), nonfiction authors (I prefer being able to turn off my filter and consume knowledge instead of being provoked to inner debates with the writer), spiritual leaders (who's giving it to me straight, and who is blinded by their own agenda / issues?), etc. I feel like a human filter half the time. I just want to know what is real.

I accused a friend of being an unreliable narrator tonight. He was totally gracious about it, and admitted had in fact been putting a little spin on what was true. It was a good experience in conflict resolution / confrontation / communication, all those C-words that scare the hells out of me. But it also reminded me why I appreciate bluntly honest people. While I still feel the need to consider whether their honesty is truth (or just a totally flawed interpretation), it takes out the intermediate step of determining whether they really believe what they are saying or just posturing. A reliable narrator makes me feel safe and secure.

So, I guess I should take a look at the man in the mirror (eek! i am alone in my apartment and just got freaked out at the thought of seeing a MAN in the mirror, sneaking up behind me!). Right, am I a reliable narrator? Can I be trusted? I'm working on it. "Honestly." But I don't know that it comes as naturally to me as I would like.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Do the Right Thing: A Spike Lee Joint

Now that iPod is back in my life, I've started downloading podcasts to that little black box of joy to enlighten my bus/metro/pedestrial transit. I love listening to This American Life and random sermons, but the newest addition to my playlist had been constantly recommended to me by my college roommate Jessica. Finally I gave in. So far I've listened to a hilarious story about a woman who begrudgingly travelled to Disney World for her younger sister's wedding and the account of a drug addict who decided to become a comedian instead of commit suicide. Laughter is the best, yeah?

To give a little background, The Moth is...

"A not-for-profit storytelling organization, was founded in New York in 1997 by poet and novelist George Dawes Green, who wanted to recreate in New York the feeling of sultry summer evenings on his native St. Simon's Island, Georgia, where he and a small circle of friends would gather to spin spellbinding tales on his friend Wanda's porch. After moving to New York, George missed the sense of connection he had felt sharing stories with his friends back home, and he decided to invite a few friends over to his New York apartment to tell and hear stories. Thus the first "Moth" evening took place in his living room. Word of these captivating story nights quickly spread, and The Moth moved to bigger venues in New York. Today, The Moth conducts eight ongoing programs and has brought more than 3,000 live stories to over 100,000 audience members."


Take a listen @ http://www.themoth.org/listen

or subscribe on iTunes, which is what I in fact do.

Or ignore this advice which is what I did for a couple years. Then taste the rainbow when you are bored one "morning" at two in the afternoon.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

a booger on the nose of the body

I visited a church I liked today. It was small (20 people?). It was extremely informal (Q & A following the sermon!). Meditation stations were part of worship. A sweet family took me out to dinner after the service. I want to go back. But I am left with that obnoxiously vague question that more traditionally follows a first date than a church visit... "Yeah, it went well, but is this 'The One'?"

I've never assimilated into a church family without a partner in the process. It's so much easier and less awkward that way. Who can I verbally process today's experience with? No one. I don't know if I can do this alone. Period. It makes me sad. I'm hoping for a loophole.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

d. willard

the chief aim of christianity is not to get people into heaven but to get heaven into people. the question is not are we ready to die, it's are we ready to live?

A Different Natasha Kolar Apparently

Jiggle Factor:
The amount of jiggling one's ass creates when they move.

Depending on the way that this phrase is used, it can be a positive or negative phrase (examples below).

(Note: Phrase coined by Natasha Kolar, not me.)
1. Did you see the jiggle factor on that chick?

2. Most guys like a girl with a little bit of a jiggle factor.

3. Check out the jiggle factor on that dancer!

4. "She had a pretty face, but just a little too much jiggle factor going on!"

(Retrieved from Urban Dictionary @ http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nicole's+butt)

Friday, October 23, 2009

Tim Keller & Me

I'm going to see Tim Keller with Mallie & Joe at the National Cathedral in November. He's such a buzz word lately, and I've been intrigued. Then I realized I read one of his early books 5 years ago in Malawi. Ministries of Mercy: The Call of the Jericho Road. And it was fantastic. So I'm on the bandwagon, I guess, and glad to be. Hay rides are fun!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Teen Spirit

Life As We Know It- it's this random one-season TV series DVD I unearthed at the Northeast Branch Library. I think the creator was aiming for a male take on My So-Called Life. Anyway, I've been eying it for a few weeks and finally grabbed it yesterday. Must have been caffeine-induced optimism. See, I've never actually heard anyone mention it, so I was skeptical. But I recognized all of the key actors, and they have gone on to successful TV/Film careers (i.e. gymnast from Stick It, kid from Private Practice, undercover cop from 90210, hot guy from Never Back Down, um Kelly Osbourne). Besides, I had intended to indulge my inner high schooler, and finally pick up Freaks N Geeks at my brother Eames' insistence, but for once it someone else had rented it. So I was desperate. And I grabbed this random dramedy Life As We Know It.

And it's cool. I'm into it. The plot points are as cliche as any other after school special, but the story moves and the acting is pretty strong. Plus, it's only one season. In and out. I like short-term commitments. This I know.

So I'm not ready to recommend the show yet, but take a cute peek if you are in the mood for teen humor...

http://tinyurl.com/lifeasweknowitclip

Mars Hill v. House

Thesis Statement: When I start my day by pairing the breakfast & hygeine routine with a sermon podcast instead of online TV, greater productivity ensues.

I'm taking a Quantitative Research class this semester, so I know better than to imply causation. But there is definitely a correlation. And that's a HUGE discovery! I mean, it's not easy being the sole provider of structure in my life. Only seven hours a week do I actually need to be somewhere doing something specific (aka Class). The rest of the time I do what I want (i.e. watch TV, do homework, blog, hang out with friends, eat food, take walks). Staying on task is a constant challenge, is all I'm saying. So when a trick reveals itself... Hallelujah!

So my favorite podcasts are...

Epic Church (My family during the Biola years)
http://epicchurch.net

Emmaus Church Community (My favorite church to visit when in NorCal)
http://www.emmausteachings.org

Mars Hill Bible Church (Home of the curious Rob Bell)
feed://www.marshill.org/teaching/podcast.php

What's yours? I'd love to expand my horizons. While brushing my teeth and washing my dishes.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Lie #2: I need Jelly

I decided to write a grocery list, even though I refuse to go grocery shopping until I desperately need to. It was sooo cathartic. Kind of like smelling the chocolate bar I want to eat instead of consuming it. I... wrote down all the things I would buy at Harris Teeters if I felt rich. And imagined eating them. And then crossed each thing off the list that couldn't be substituted by an item I already own.

Cream of Wheat?
No, eat the Oatmeal you already have.

Jelly?
No, there's a jar of unopened apple butter and a plastic beehive of honey in the cupboard. Make do.

Brown sugar?
What's wrong with white sugar?

Chicken?
You have frozen salmon and a carton of tofu for protein. Eat it.

Italian Wedding Soup?
There's a can of minestrone, and if you distract yourself with a great movie, you'll be able to get it down.

Cranberry Juice?
Almost as good for you and low-calorie as water. Nice try.

I'm such an evil dictator. I wish I could be this rigid and disciplined about some other areas of my life. Kind of.

Lie #1: There 's Nothing to Eat!

I hate the phrase, "We don't have anything to eat!" Any roommate I've ever had (including my family) knows this about me. I take it as a challenge. No really, let me show you! There is a potential meal here somewhere - among all the scraps in the refrigerator, freezer, and cupboards.

This makes Tasha on a budget relatively dangerous. I will find a way to make a meal out of nothing when I need to. The angel-demon dialogue in my head (not sure which voice is which?) sounds like this...

"Well, you need Pam or butter to make pancakes."
"No I don't."
"Well, what are you gonna use? Olive oil?"
"Oh, I was thinking mayonnaise, but that's even better!"
"But you don't have Bisquick or baking powder. Your pancakes will be flat! Just run to the store real quick. Pick up a few necessities."
"Hmmm.... You know, crepes are flat."
"But crepes call for butter."
"Pshaw."
"Fine. Just try it out. Go ahead."
"I will. Not that I need your permission."

The "crepe-cake" was great! Four, sugar, vanilla, milk, egg. Topped with a fried egg and syrup - delish! So there. There was something to eat in the house. (Though that sounds strangely carnivorous.)

Monday, October 19, 2009

Small World Wonder

The world feels delightfully tiny when I discover I will be flying into the San Francisco Airport at the same hour as my dear friend from Tanzania! How divine!

Mercy

by Kristene Meuller

What shall i do with you my love
what shall i do with you

for Your loyalty to me is like the morning clouds
like the dew that goes away so early

what shall i do with You my love

you keep bringing me sacrifices
to ease your mind
but it's your heart that i want

hasn't it been a long road
with disappointments
chasing after lovers
that just throw you away

are you done fighting now
all the love it takes to lighten you
shame was never meant to be your portion

you keep bringing me sacrifices
to ease your mind
but it's your heart that i want

though these sins are red as scarlet
i will wash them white in my mercy
those these sins are red as scarlet
i will wash them white in my mercy

Sunday, October 18, 2009

All Iron & Wine

Now that Pandora has created a stupid 40 hour a month limit, I am reaching out for alternatives. Grooveshark (a very differnt model) is treating me well. I was skeptical because I like to hear music somebody ELSE chose - the surprise factor. But tonight I typed in Iron & Wine and have been listening to all of their songs straight through, and I have been pleasantly surprised. It doesn't have the redundancy of a self-created playlist (which is what Grooveshark is generally used for). And I like immersing myself in one band. My friend Peter, who introduced me to Grooveshark, claims it eliminates cause to buy CD's since you can listen to any album straight through on the application. And I'm starting to see the light.

Do let me know of any other any other online music alternatives! (Mytunes is one other, but I'm yet to fall in love with it.) I am open to suggestions.

How To Not Write an Essay

Turns out that balloon boy story would make a stranger short than I thought. I wish I could get in the head of the dad who dreamed up the scheme, and then actually convinced his family to play along. And followed through. I think I almost can.

I am nearly finished watching Season 5 of The Wire, which is the final season - and I won't get all cliche about how emotionally crushed I will be when it all ends - in which both a cop and a journalist independently fabricate mutually beneficial stories that turn their respective departments UPSIDE down. Because they are screw-loose & desperate enough to. The trajectory of the show seems to promise to knock over their paper houses, but you never know with The Wire. It's made me think about lying. Lies I have told. Lies I could tell to make my current situation easier. Lies people didn't tell to me that I would have told if I were in their shoes. Lies I would tell if I were pathological enough, but am Not. Lies I suspect people of telling me.

There's a father-to-son quote about lying in the movie the Kite Runner (a movie I couldn't watch for more than 20 minutes, out of respect for the novel... tell me if that was a poor choice)... This gave me a different (though not extremely original) take on lying: "There is only one sin, only one. And that is theft. Every other sin is a variation of theft... When you kill a man, you steal a life. You steal his wife's right to a husband, rob his children of a father. When you tell a lie, you steal someone's right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness... There is no act more wretched than stealing, Amir."

The most memorable conception of lying I have read is from Marlowe in Heart of Darkness. God, I loved that book. A lie has the "taint of death, and a flavor of mortality in lies." Lying makes him feel "miserable and sick, like biting something rotten would do." I think this when I encounter a lie. It rings true.

Then there's the biopic Shattered Glass (Hayden Christenson & Peter Sarsgaard) about the New Republic journalist who fabricated story after story & was finally destroyed. What makes I journalist decide to dig his own grave, I wonder? Laziness? A lack of reporting skills / talent? Malice? Low IQ?

My friend Mallie is studying to become a journalist, and she told me (over hot apple ciders in her 55* living room) about a reporter under Bernstein who won a Pulitzer for a fabricated story. He allowed her to rely on anonymous CI's because that is what HE and Woodward had to do in order to crack the Watergate scandal. In their pursuit of... Truth. And she betrayed her mentor's trust by publishing lies. Owie.

Lies are a betrayal... BUT so often they feel like a necessary evil, a kindness. I hate spitting out the words that will disappoint, injure, confuse a person. At least that's what I tell myself. "It will be easier for __________ (insert the decieved's name here) if they just don't know." Little secret: It's my own comfort I'm protecting more often than not. And this is why I love my friends who are unabashedly honest - bulls in a china shop as my grandma would say. They show me how to tell the truth and WHY to tell the truth. I envy that courage & their energy to deal with life instead of redressing it. And I have a LOT of these friends. With reason.

I WILL outgrow the laziness of lying. All signs point me toward fearless honesty. And to get all Scarlett O'Hara... "With GOD is my witness, I will never go lying again!" Mmmm. This sounds like a bullshiz political campaign speech. Haha. Yeah, I'm trying to get all my selves to vote for my-self or something. Guess we'll see how the election goes...

And now I will write an essay. (Maybe.)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Paging Raymond Carver

Did you hear about the 6 year-old Colorado boy who got into a balloon-craft tethered in his parents backyard and flew away? The craft (capable of flying 10,000 feet in the air) was empty when it landed. Now doesn't that just make you sick, and vow never to keep an air balloon tethered in your backyard? Seriously. I couldn't make this stuff up. But I'd like to see it written into a short story. Right?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Sources Who Lie

Things made me laugh today. Like when I was listening to the Book that Changed My Life segment of This American Life on my new old iPod (see blog entry "Cue Wind in Her Hair") while riding the 92 bus to Eastern Market. It was a people-packed bus, as the rain was kicking us all off the streets. But I couldn't help giggling at the stories. Also, when I was electric-toothbrushing my teeth tonight, I did that just-closing-my-eyes-for-a-second chin-drop thing that happens before falling asleep standing up. It almost happened. Do you fall if it happens? Or do your joints lock in place? And, again I laughed, when Justin texts me "If someone asks if you're ticklish, tell them you have been having diarrhea lately but yes, you're ticklish." Heehee. Jr High pastors...

I sighed sadly today when I learned my family's power has been out for 36 hours and all their chilled food has spoiled. What waste. I cried on the metro when I listened to the Frenemies segment on This American Life. I was frustrated when I read an email from Pandora stating that I would now only be allowed to listen to 40 hours of free music each month. Not enough.

I felt great despair when I read Margaret Mead's account of adolescent girls in Samoa, and even more when I read a critique of it claiming her adolescent female sources had been teasing her and the stories she documented had no credibility. It's this sneaking sense that the world is too complicated to make sense of it, and I unfortunately feel the need to have an intimate understanding of the system I am operating in to feel any confidence in... making a move. So life ends up feeling a bit like a game of chess, in which I don't know the rules of the gamepieces nor the actual objective of the game and my opponent is omniscient. I felt a similar sense of unease when I watched Lions for Lambs tonight, the Robert Redford movie. Though I smiled at Meryl Streep's stunning performance (par for her course).

For a minute, a couple years ago, I had gotten my bearings long enough to decide I should (and wanted to) a) move to Washington, DC and b) pursue a career in International Education, whatever that would mean. Now I have little faith in either of those desired ends. And I am faced with how burdensome Options are to a person like myself. I see flaws in any course of action, and would be more content to sit back and deliberate on the options than actually move forward. And when I do move forward, I end up mid-stride feeling foolish and wishing to draw back my leg. My queen piece.

I want life to be a game I'm good at. But strategy eludes me. Why?

I give up. I can't solve the mysteries of the universe tonight, and Sufjan Stevens keeps singing "Even if I died alone..." and it's making my eyelids heavy. There is a day waiting on the other side and I want to be ready for it. And, God knows, right now I don't feel ready.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Cue Wind in Her Hair

For years, I've failed to be in the possession of all 3 components of the iPod lifestyle at the SAME time (earbuds, pod, charger). I would find the charger but have misplaced the pod. I'd buy new headphones and by then lost track of the charger. I always had one or two pieces of the puzzle but never all three.

Now I have all three.

I walked to Ebenezer's coffee shop today listening to Dashboard Confessional and Amy Grant. Homesick songs. I felt like I was in a music video glorifying autumn. I had forgotten what it feels like to stroll along the sidewalk and feel all MTV-ish. I'm back in the music.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Thank You India

I have a friend, who - every time, without fail - gets me to cry when we finally connect via phone date. This is every few months. Ingrid Joy. She somehow strips bare my soul and I become completely spontaneously vulnerable in a matter of minutes... well, hours really. The gnawing fears/hurts/hopes I ignore sheepishly reveal themselves when she gets me talking. And she picks up on the subtext like few people I've met. She gets to the footnotes that are usually left out of conversations. But real understanding requires footnotes. And history. She knows my history. And reminds me of it wAy more than I care to do myself. She's a diary I can return to, to figure out why I feel the way I do now BASED on what I did and thought back then. Though she's a photographer, I see her being a therapist one day. In her 50's maybe. I am so content right now, so grateful, for having shared a real encounter with another human being. There is nothing better. Thank you, if you are reading this and have given me that gift at one time or another - maybe many times and another. I am so grateful for it. And tonight, thank-you Ingrid Joy.

New Installation

Complaint: I spent 3 hours today fiddling with software and am still not fully functioning in MS Office. Why am I techno-cursed!?

Celebration: I got the new Product Key for free, because of my sob story about an absentminded brother who lost our CD case. The lady had mercy on me, and told him I shouldn't give him a Christmas present. She's wrong, though. I wouldn't have even HAD the disk if he and Kasey hadn't sent it to me. So, alls well that ends well. Now I want it to END! Install disk, install!!!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

soul angst wah wah

i feel like i am swimming through a layer of moss on the top of a murky pond. i just want to get out, take a shower and put on a t-shirt and sweats, go to borders and meet some friends over coffee and magazines and nothing much.

that is the state of my soul right now.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

living in the projects

I like personal development projects. Sometimes I think I would never have "developed" as much as I have so far, if I hadn't thought of games and competitions to trick myself into "growing." A few favorite memories come to mind:

1. I gained a number of new and strange experiences in college when I became "The Dollar Dare Girl." Nothing naughty. Just like peeing my pants in the middle of the street, eating dog food and strange concoctions made at Denny's after midnight, drinking the juice of brussel sprouts, licking a little boy's shoe, climbing things, etc. I made a good deal of cash, too! I probably looked like a stripper, my pockets full of one dollar bills, but no.

2. A poetry game with my friend Matt Miller. We decided it was too tempting to poeticize only about melancholy things, even though there is in fact more beauty in "the good." It's just too easy to seem trite or sappy about "the good" and feel all profound and original when in the depths of despair. So we would send each other three images a week and the other person would have to write a not-morbid poem inspired by each image. It was a thrilling experiment, and I think I grew a lot as a writer.

3. When feeling really poor, my college roommate Jessica and our friend Tyler and I decided to stop spending money on anything other than necessities. Food was not considered a necessity, since we all had cafeteria meal plans. It was extremely challenging, and I declare that stretching the thrift muscles can be quite fun when done in community. It leads to... shall we say creativity? I concluded the only thing I needed to buy was kleenex. Everything else I could find for free some way or another.

4. My brother Eames and I have challenged each other a couple of times to Healthy Eating. This reaquired strict guidelines and serious consequences for deviation. It was a fun bonding experience, and we were very successful in establishing good habits.

5. At Agape Villages Foster Family Agency, where I worked a couple years ago, the whole office staff started healthy living experiments. It was so fun to encourage each other in our different goals. One did Weight Watchers, another Nutrisystem, and all of us became more active in our daily lives. When I quit working there, everyone literally looked DIFFERENT! It was crazy. The power of peer encouragement is mind-blowing.

6. I have had the privilege of sharing a room with many amazing ladies. Chrissy (in Sacramento), Jessica (Sophomore Year in College), and Sarah (Senior Year) were roommates who joined me in praying before bed every night. It was such a relationship-building experiment, and was way more effective at ensuring I turned my heart to God each day than flying solo.

7. TC JAMES started as a group of strangers who challenged each other to meet every Friday afternoon and pray for the world. My heart was with the struggles of Other Peoples, but this community grounded my ambiguous feelings of compassion. And some of my best friendships were born of the experience.

8. Moving into a low-income apartment complex in Sacramento with a group of eight 20-something suburbanites was an effort in learning to care for the marginalized people in our city. It wasn't enough to drive out there and tutor the kids once a week. For me, they needed to become my neighbors who I saw everyday. The tutoring program needed to be next door, not across town. And this shift did help me reorient. But it taught me about my spiritual immaturity more than anything else. And again... I made deep and life-changing friendships. This seems to be a pattern. Maybe the reason I love a project.

Now a new "game" is beginning. It's called Project Fruit. An anonymous friend and I had mutually realized how little our lives reflected "The Fruit" that the Bible describes as being representative of life "in the Spirit." Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Eek. So our process is to look at one piece of fruit each week, read about it, and seek to fertilize its growth in our day-to-day. I expect good things. And... I AM a bit nervous. My life needs to change. But. Change. Is. Hard. Cheers to a a little game to put the fire under my ars.