Can You Buy Me An Flatscreen? Thanks.

(excerpt from my Cross-Cultural Training reflection)

There few ways to kill a friendship quicker than to start asking for loans and gifts. In the U.S. that is. In Malawi, financially successful individuals often linger in lower-class living conditions because of family members and friends we might consider “leeches.” These relatives, who can’t/don’t find work, live off of the prosperity of whoever does. It is traditionally unthinkable to progress into a life of moderate luxury when your sister’s family is going hungry or your cousin has hurt his leg and can’t work. So, in a culture where it is natural to assume your success should trickle into the pockets of needy people in your circle, Malawians believe “it can’t hurt to ask. The worst that could happen is they say no.” Well unfortunately that’s not the worst that can happen – an ethnocentric Westerner might feel targeted and actually cut off the relationship in self-defense.

Many of the long-term “American-Malawians” had developed personal financial boundaries that helped them gracefully negotiate the terms of their relationships with their indigenous neighbors. However, most confessed that this dynamic limited the depth and quality of their cross-cultural relationships. “The white man’s burden,” so it seems in this scenario, must be compounded by the fact that these development workers lived in extremely luxurious and spacious homes compared to the average Malawian. Malawians were constantly exposed to their Western friends’ high standard of living, and perceived them to be immensely wealthy (though many were paying only $200/month for 4-bedroom houses).