Began my morning half-asleep, thinking through the logistics of an assignment that's been troubling me.
The important thing: For at least ten minutes, I was completely unaware I had a body. Then came the moment I was drawn back into the realization - Oh, I'm lying on my side. Oh, my eyes are full of sleep. My hair is in my face. These are normal waking up thoughts for me.
I can't remember ever having the experience of being in such contemplative conversation with myself for SUCH a long time before remembering my mind is encased in this body & not a stand-alone creature.
It felt almost like an insult, once the realization struck. A surprise if nothing else. Like my mind was floating out above my bed and was suddenly sucked without warning down into me. I wondered for a moment if that's what it'd be like to be dead & disembodied. But decided no. My mind was much too restless & frustrated. I like to imagine it would be more soulful and and at peace if I were dead & floaty.
Now I have to go about dealing with the morning realities of this body. I admit, although my mind felt annoyed to remember its post, the rest of me is rather pleased to know I'm embodied. I can listen to the melodies of Balmorhea, and drink lovely water, and feel the tug of a brush on my hair. It's kind of pleasant to be human, in command of six senses.
From the drafts folder
6 years ago
That reminds me of a time at Biola when I woke up in the middle of the night and I thought my arm was laying across my chest, but when I went to touch it it wasn't there. For a moment I thought I had just awoken from an accident induced coma during which my arm was removed.
ReplyDeleteI had to start at my shoulder and feel around to find my arm (I had flung it off the bed, apparently cutting off circulation and rendering it completely numb). It was like dead weight.
omg. creepy. do you remember when the alpha fire alarm went off in the middle of the night & i was completely convinced we were getting attacked by a swarm of killer bees?
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