Sucking Cockroaches

What do you do when you come home from a vacation? This is my To-Do-List:

0. Shower and nap
1. Take out the two bags of rank garbage you left in the kitchen for 3 weeks
2. Suck 30+ cockroaches up (live and dead alike) with your roommate's heavy duty Craftsman 3.0 Wet-Dry Vacuum hose
3. Clean out the 17 tupperwares of leftovers rotting in the fridge
4. Grocery shop for produce & dairy (no meat, because your steak-heavy vacation menu inspired you to become a vegetarian)
5. Scrub the layers of grime off your bathroom's sink and tub
6. Make a chalky To-Do checklist on the blackboard in your room (better late than never)
7. Empty out your overflowing mailbox in the apt. complex lobby, smiling at neighbors in the elevator
8. Change your sheets because you have spiderbites from napping in them
9. Take some pain meds for the anger in your right shoulder (from hiking in Yosemite? dragging bags all over the airports? housecleaning? all of the above?)
10. Want wine, make eyes at wine, but respect your liver and end the flirtation and go to sleep in clean sheets

Oh what a day. I am gloriously happy to be back, self-contained in this apartment. I am me again.