Walking on, Walking on Broken Glaaa-aaass

I set a goal to trim my Facebook friend list down to 50 today... I only made it to 125. Not too shabby, though, considering I trimmed around 700 lovely people. I've decided to try to start using Facebook a little differently, in the hope of becoming less overwhelmed in this overwhelming world, city, life.

It's my nature to try to take in all the information I possibly can (on topics I find compelling, though I need to work on tweaking what I find compelling it seems) - whether before making a decision, for the sheer joy of knowing lots of things, or as a distraction from taking the next step and using the information I've gathered...

And I am a "people person." I find people terribly interesting. More interesting than the newspaper headlines, often. So reading about people, and what they say, and what photos they tag, and where they are going... these capabilities make Facebook compelling to a person like me.

Sometimes I imagine hundreds of life stories are flowing in and out of my periphery, like a ridiculous Russian novel with too many characters' names to remember. But this knowing (imagining) takes up socio-emotional space that I need, right now, for other knowing (imagining).

Next week I will start a job that requires me to research and write all day every day. It's time to redirect my hunter-gatherer nature toward assignments - and away from all the real-life story-book characters whose breadcrumb trails I like to follow. I can only search so much.

I can only search so much.

What am I searching for? Often, my searching functions as a busyness I cling to so I can avoid the silence of searching for something of peace. I ache for an experience contrary to the clamor of this city, but it tends to feel like walking on broken glass to pursue that sanctity. Lewis's The Great Divorce captures the feeling I'm referring to.

This week was meant to be my retreat from work/busyness/schedule. And yet it's Wednesday. And all I've done is chores and errands that I've been putting off for months & watched movies I have been ever so anxious to see. With all I have on my To-Do List, I don't think it will be possible (short of a miracle, which I will now commence praying for) for me to enter next week feeling the refreshment I had hoped for.

I had imagined a 1-week escape from the machine... but it seems I've been tasked with putting all the nuts and bolts back where they belong, so the machine can run smoothly once the new work-life begins. And yet I sense there is a grace to be found in the shape of these last few days - the hospitality this week has shown me, generously assisting my efforts to put my life in better order with its hours.

Striving to have a peaceful week may be less useful than finding peace in a striving week. It's these things I hope to sift through this afternoon and tomorrow, with the help of some fresh vegetables and lots of H2O.