An Ever So Costly Leftness Every Time, Thankyouverymuch

There is this mindset that I have never trusted. It freaks me out, in fact. I reject it pretty darn consistently whenever it waves its 50% off sign in front of me. I just don't buy it.

I don't buy rightness.

It makes me ever so nervous when people are so entirely convinced that they are ever so right and are unbearably plagued by all the people being so wrong. ("Stupid" often replacing "wrong.") It's not that I don't believe in black and white, and all I can see is grey. It's just that... I believe in black AND white. And I tend to think that everybody has got a point worth listening to as long as they've got a pulse (or a diary if they're dead).

Sure, I don't agree with every point I hear... but I enjoy trying to understand how it came about. In that person's mind. And then, if I can succeed, it might not sound quite so "stupid." At least the person won't, even if their point is. Maybe they don't understand logic. Maybe they have a mental health condition. Maybe they are inebriated.

Unfortunately, I did happen to buy rightness on a recent occasion. What can I say? It was 90% off. Everybody was doing it. Ok, so I may have bought a LOT of it. I went all in. And I was completely accurate in my original conviction that It. Is. Not. Worth. The. Discount. Being smug and self-righteous, feeling superior and disdainful, rolling eyes and chilling the shoulders... this is all rotten through and through. It's stinky and rotten and I simply don't understand how it can be so damn popular.

So I have since returned my purchase. But the nasty leftover filth is difficult to clean up. Apologies seem to be worthless to people who have been wronged by rightness. I'm committed to trying to understand that now, though. I refuse entertain the conviction that someone who would reject a sincere apology is "stupid." I can pretty easily understand that decision. I get it. I just wish I could be getting it at someone else's expense rather than my own.

But, more importantly than my own self-preservation, I feel grateful for the love of a God who uses my shitty decisions to deepen my understanding of his grace, and the grace He expects of me. I prefer to feel ALIVE in response to lovely things, but pain and epiphany sure do seem to do the trick every time. So I pray tonight, for my brokenness and for the broken relationships that break my heart: Come Lord Jesus Come.