Meeting the Relatives

So, it turns out I'm a Kennedy. I mean a Newell. Tonight's dinner party was a scene from my own very untheatrical and unmarketable version of the Princess Diaries. 

Apparently I have family in DC. Uncles and aunts and cousins and such. All over the east coast actually. They are brilliant. Witty. Friendly. Good-looking. Talented. They have golden retrievers. It's unrealistic. And I'm in the club. Just for being born. I love unfair windfalls. 

I hope they like me. And keep me. I just didn't realize I was missing out on all this loveliness!