My Hallmark Card

Sometimes a person just must define: "This is me & that is you, and your problem is not mine."

I don't actually have a problem. I'm well. Even though something in me tries to convince me otherwise, since you are not well.  But that's a lie. I'm not you. I'm not i'm not i'm not. I'm Me.

Get well soon.

Dedicated to The Kolars' 70 years of Love

“Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.”
Erica Jong

“We take a risk when we open our hearts because the truth is, if we open our hearts, we will get hurt. You can’t open your heart and not have some hurt because you’re in a human experience. Even if it’s the love of your life and you have many wonderful, deepening, growing, powerful years together, it’s a human experience and that person will pass over. Love takes courage. Be courageous.”
Mary Manin Morrissey

“To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.”

"Love does not measure, it just gives." -Mother T

"If you asked twenty good men to-day what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you asked almost any of the great Christians of old he would have replied, Love- You see what has happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance. The negative ideal of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian virtue of Love. The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire." -Clive Staples Lewis

Scratch.

Working on the story I am telling myself... this rough draft belongs in the wastebasket. Scratch. Kendall Payne, let's start from Scratch.

So next time you’re reading a religious book and the author says you can be the person God designed you to be, flip to the back cover and look at the author picture. If said author is wearing clothes, put the book back on the shelf. It’s like my Uncle Mosie told us, Never trust a fella wearing clothes. -DM

the perfect bedtime song... i actually dreamed of world peace last night.

so let it be.

imagining all my blood running down my vessels toward the floor, this gravity so strong. like a magnet pulling my feet. STAY. this is a good Sinking Into My Soles. not a dread. a calm. the opposite the itchy thin air up by the smoky ozone. it's fresh and oxygenated here. low.

thinking of laurie halse anderson now, and how Catalyst produced a parade of chemistry metaphors to explore coming of age. nobody rocks vehicle like laurie rocks vehicle. truth needs to move. have wheels. gas. merriam webster catalogued the rest.

i'm going to wake up sans furies.

the decaf diary

sleep is gripping me. it's my vice. but as much as i feel like finals are over, they are so not. tomorrow is a hella big day & i need to work out this paper & that presentation & the late assignment I pretend doesn't exist. so snap out of it, sleeping duty! sloth is not your sin today.